I don’t really know how to begin this, so I will just get right into it.
My name is Mitt, and I have been living in the World of Fortune and Glory for some time now. I do not know exactly how long I have been here, because one tends to lose track of time. I have no idea who I am even writing to, or if this will ever be read, but I feel like I need to write down what happens on this garbage world. The only passage of time that matters here is day and night. Fortune and Glory is truly a dreadful place, mainly because of the countless dangers that can befall you during your explorations. The main problem during the day is the seemingly endless balls of slimes that jump around and hurt like hell. Night is when the true danger strikes, in the form of zombies, werewolves, vampires; you name it, it is here. Possibly the only good thing about Fortune and Glory is the slight little perk of immortality. I say slight, because it seems like more of a curse when you are dying, over, and over, and over, only to awaken, an hour later, in your bed, having remembered everything that happened in the previous life. Luckily (most of the time) I have two friends to keep me company. Their names are Derf and Hodor.
Derf is a rather intelligent Mormon man who has the cognitive capacity of an intelligent man, but the coordination and the fighting abilities of an intelligent man, which aren’t very developed. He knows everything one needs to know about this place in order to survive. My other partner is Hodor. I’m going to be honest. Hodor is a coward. However, that comes in handy when every living thing is trying to kill you. Hodor spends most of his time shooting things from afar, for fun, and he rarely gets hit by any dangerous attack or spell. Did I forget to mention the magic?
This world is constantly struck by falling stars. (Don’t ask me how it works; it just does, okay?) I guess these stars give everything here magical powers, like the power to use staves and other such weapons. Magic is Derf’s specialty, because it seemed fitting to have the least useful fighter use the colorful weaponry. That leaves me. I am a master-at-arms, knowing everything there is to know about swords, spears, pikes, knives – you name it, I have mastered it. Together we are trying to fend off the menaces of this world.
That leaves an interesting question. How on earth did we get here? I wish I could answer that definitively, but we have yet to find a reason for our being here. One day, Hodor, Derf, and I all woke up in the middle of a forest, with a man who called himself the Guide. We had no memory of our lives before this god-forsaken world, but the Guide helped us start. He gave us weapons made of wood and taught us how to make a home. That was our first achievement as a group, making a nice wooden shack. The only thing in the shack was a small wooden chest and a fire. This was how the first few days went. The worst part was that, during the night, we could not contend with the creatures of the dark with our mediocre weapons, so we had to stay indoors in fear. Paranoia set in as the banging on the walls and door of the shack intensified with every night. It was after three nights of the banging that we discovered our immortality.
Derf, having had enough of the shack, decided to try his luck against the deadly creatures outside. Hodor and I, having been completely fed up with Derf’s complaining for the past three nights, opened the door for him on his way out. What followed was both terrifying – and terrifyingly awkward. About three seconds after we closed the door behind Derf, we heard a deafening scream, followed by a sound I can only describe as grotesque. Meanwhile, Hodor and I were conversing on how utterly annoying Derf had been and it was a pleasure that he had died. It was at that moment that a lump in the bed appeared, and Derf, fully membered, stood up, and sat back down at the fire. Let’s just say that nobody talked for the rest of the night.
It was the next morning that we decided to branch out from our small forest area, and into a world whose size we didn’t know. Before we left, the Guide informed us that there were many treasures to be found throughout Fortune and Glory, and that maybe we could achieve – you guessed it – Fortune and Glory. So out we set, on a journey that would almost surely result in us waking an hour later in the comfort of our wooden shack.
Well, I was not wrong. I am writing this shortly after we “returned” from our excursion, for it can no longer be called a journey. About three hours in we started to notice that everything had turned to a shade of purple. It wasn’t long until we were being swarmed by an unknown creature that dismembered us almost instantly.
When we “arrived” back at the house, we questioned the Guide on what he knew, to which he responded with: “Oh, forgot about that place. Yeah, don’t go there or you will die.” A bit too late for that. He also said that we must armor up using the metals within the earth in order to venture out there and hope to survive. It would have been useful to know that information earlier, but we thanked him anyway.
Well, it is getting late, and we are planning to go on our first mining trip tomorrow, so I better go sit in the corner with Derf before he starts crying, or else Hodor will probably throw him out to the creatures of the night.