My Canadian Experience – Part Five: Baseball

I decided to skip the cities portion for two reasons: first, it’s not that interesting, and second, I’m lazy. Sorry to disappoint all four readers of the Shield.

So, baseball, America’s pastime, in Canada? Don’t ask me how they snuck in there. I have no idea. But here they are: The Toronto Blue Jays. Not a bad team, in all honesty. They actually play quite well.

My family and I went to see the Red Sox play the Blue Jays at Rogers Center Centre. I am going to start off by saying that my family and I are Red Sox fans. I love the Red Sox. I have been front row behind home plate at Fenway Park. I have met some of the players. The Red Sox are pretty cool. Suffice it to say that I am the lone kid dressed in red, surrounded by a sea of blue. This’ll be interesting.

The amount of people in this stadium is about ten times the population of Fairport, so there is a lot of noise. There is also a lot of beer. A. Lot. But that’s baseball, right? Well, before the game even starts, two guys, somehow already intoxicated, start trying to get a wave going. As usual in these endeavors, they try to get this going for three hours. They are mildly successful. Once.

The opening “ceremonies” begin. We have our special thanks announcements and such. We have our roof report, which is really interesting. because the roof of the stadium is retractable. They have a player go to the recording booth, where he is filmed and tells us about the status of the roof. I hear a booming roar and a cheer from the crowd.

“ROOOOF REPOOOOOORRRT!”

There is this ridiculous animation and overly epic music.

“AND NOW [don’t remember which player this was] WITH THE ROOF REPORT!!!

Immense cheers from the crowd.

“It’s open.”

“THAT WAS YOUR ROOOF REPOOOORRRT!!!!”

….

That’s it? 

All of that hype?

What?

Weirdo Canadians.

The game starts. I really should’ve taken notes, because I remember no details. Oops. Well, that’s  a lie. I remember some stuff. I remember a crushing grand slam from Edwin Encarnacion. I remember David Ortiz putting in like five RBIs. But best of all was a super confusing play that ended in massive turmoil. Boston was at bat. Someone hit a deep ball to right field. The ball hit the wall foul, but hit the ground fair. The umps didn’t know what to do. There was a twenty-minute break as the play was reviewed. Now, at this point, the Red Sox are one run ahead. A call in Boston’s favor could win the game. Two RBIs are at stake. Ultimately, the ball is called fair.

The stadium explodes. Things are shouted that I cannot repeat for fear that the Morales will silence me with magic and a rusty paper clip. My parents tell me and my siblings to stay silent so we didn’t get stabbed. This was a legitimate risk. There were some very angry people.

Eventually, things calmed down (kind of). The game ended. THE RED SOX WON! And we left the stadium. As my family is crossing the street, along with fifty thousand people, and some lady in  a sedan is trying to drive her car through the crowd. She’s yelling and screaming at people to get out of her way. This lady almost runs over my brother. What are you doing? You can’t do that! You and your little Toyota Camry can’t take down a multi-thousand-person crowd. So, after that scare, my family got in the car and took an hour to drive one block. Literally. Not joking. Nice going, Dad.

So, this was my Canadian experience. To all who followed, thank you. I had a lot of fun writing for you. For all of you travelers, when you visit our neighbors to the North, eat a donair. Go tidal bore rafting. Watch a baseball game. Have a good time.

Next: A reflection of my time in Rochester. I am going to miss you guys.

About Lewis Nazarian 5 Articles
I am The Shield's Southern consultant. I was at McQuaid Jesuit for 4 1/2 years before moving to Charlotte, North Carolina. I'm now at Charlotte Catholic High School, but i will always be a McQuaid boy. get ready for crazy stories of the "deep" south!

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